1.11.09
i am reaching out into the world constantly looking for love to quench my maddening thirst. i am weaving relationships with others through stories and shared experiences. each time i walk out of the house, it is toward a new adventure.
the past few weeks of my life have passed by like some whirlwind tearing me from the comfort of familiarity. i have come so far in the past twelve months, and pushed beyond that distance considerably in the past few weeks. the days bleed together and miracles burst forth with each new dawn.
i have spent much time alone, thinking about my life. what needs to change, where i want to be... the essential questions of "who am i, and where am i going?" i am going further into my work, dedicating most of my energy toward preparing myself for potential opportunities. school, the shelter, the writing, the dreaming. i pick out patterns from the future in dreams and tarot cards. tea leaves. loose feathers.
i've sent a number of letters out into the universe, and came to the realization that they are mostly love letters. not romantic love, but platonic love and surrender of pride. it's all washing away. i got a letter long overdue, only four lines long. one of the lines was "i'm sorry."
what a concept.
i guess i am sorry, too, that it's taken me so long to see my own flaws. so many people have given me the chance to change, but i didn't want to. but it's too late now, and adaptation is the only option i have. life isn't meant to be spent alone.
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